Mine and Audrey's favorite phrase to say is...'just sayin.' For some reason on this trip it's ended up making it's way into most of what we say, therefore once we really got into Spanish classes we concluded we probably needed to have a sufficient Spanish translation for it:) We think 'solo diciendo' will do.
So, I've alluded a couple of times to some more below the surface or bigger picture things going on in my mind...so this post is just going to be some of me processing and trying to share some of my thoughts of where I am right now! No bed bug stories or wading through caves...but some of my thoughts:)
So, the first couple of weeks really were just go, go, go. It was super busy, we were either out doing something crazy, just exploring cities, getting to know random people, or studying Spanish and figuring out our short term plans. All so so good, just not anytime to think and ponder and process. Probably not good (for me at least...you that know me really well know this...well:) in the long run but I was ok with it for the time being:) I wasn't really missing home or life or people that much...it was weird (and it sounds kind of terrible) but I was glad for it, as that is kind of one of my fears...that I'm just not gonna be able to handle being away from people and my life in DC and normalcy and being comfortable all the time.
THEN- we started going on long bus rides in our traveling around to different towns. When you're in a minibus for 6-10 hours and the social norm is to be silent and you've exhausted reading your fun/leisurely book, studying Spanish, listening to your iPod (if it felt safe enough), journaling if possible, and reading the lonely planet guide to Central America, all you have left is to sit quietly, look out the window, and think. For hours.
All that to say- I'm finally back in thinking mode (I guess our minds really are powerful enough to kick defense mechanisms into gear to just...stop thinking. Seriously, I think I actively avoided thinking deeply for 2 weeks straight) and have to get out the basic points of what I'm pondering.
Ok, moving on. I've also been processing a little bit more about this trip. I had thoughts and ideas and goals and hopes for this 6 months before I left, of course, but now being IN it and doing it and having lots of conversations with people who are at various points of different types of trips, I've definitely been thinking more and more about it. We're only about 2 weeks in, but I'm definitely almost already feeling some kind of pressure about it all. I don't want to get to the end of this 6 months and wish I had done things completely differently, or wish that I had a different mindset the whole time, or regret not getting something out of it that I could've or not given something of myself that I could've or should've. This 6 months is a blessing and a gift of an opportunity that God has allowed to happen and worked out the smallest of details so well. I don't even know the extent of what to expect of it, but I want to be aware of everything rather than just going through motions of jumping on and off buses, hiking up volcanoes, and searching out hostels without chinches (bedbugs).
So, I think one of the biggest things I'm pondering is how to find the balance (and what the balance even looks like) of the one side of traveling which is solely FUN and adventure and experiencing life and places and the ridiculous things and people and food of lots of countries and then the other side of feeling like you're connecting at a deeper level, or giving, or helping, or doing SOMETHING to help someone or some situation that we come across or get to see or become aware of. Those are both a part of this, and Audrey and I have both verbalized that both sides are for sure important parts of this trip and what we desire out of it! We WANT to have ridiculous adventurous experiences and just live this life up and take full advantage of getting to be in these different places, but it still feels completely selfish sometimes when you spend a whole day and money simply on exploring a cave and doing things that seem solely for yourself and just self-indulgent. So...I'm trying to process that and what it means and what this is going to look like.
In the meantime...we're focusing on the short term - one, we're trying to learn spanish, which is going to be beneficial during this 6 months just for practical traveling purposes AND for if/when we get to volunteer, and two, we're working on following the advice my mom gave me awhile back when I couldn't stand my job anymore and wanted to know what in the world my purpose was and what in the world I was gonna do one day to actually contribute to helping the world or SOMEONE and what I even had to offer. She told me to focus on being who I need to be right now and right where I am and pouring myself FULLY into every moment WHERE I AM and in the day to day where God has me (rather than maybe constantly looking months or years into the future). It seems simple, but for some reason that clicked that night sitting having dinner with her in Panera, and I'm not sure a day at work went by that I didn't get frustrated or impatient and THAT conversation popped into my head. It completely changed the way I interacted with people and looked at my time there.
Lastly...we're slightly frustrated with just the very obvious reality of not being able to trust people. One of the biggest things you look forward to when you travel is meeting the people and experiencing them and their lives! Right? Well, as travelers people are constantly telling us horror stories and making us aware that you cannot trust a soul and to be skeptical of everyone and everything that breathes. We are constantly told to be SO careful, and if anything SEEMS weird at all...it is. You are getting robbed. Well, that is no way to live...but we also don't want to be stupid and get ourselves into any terrible situations. So...we're trying to feel that out as well! It's just annoying! Just one example...the other day we went to a festival de San Cristobal (a religious holiday) in a town nearby. It was Audrey, myself, another student from our language school, and then the guatemalan woman who runs the Spanish school we are taking classes at currently. It was QUITE an experience...tons of people, music, even some roller coasters (from like the 1970s), and even some traditional dancing where the people were wearing INCREDIBLE costumes and masks and all.
The woman had warned us ahead of time, ONLY bring your camera and a FEW quetzals (their money) and be careful with your purse...carry it on front of you. Well, we walked around for awhile, just enjoying the sites, I took several pictures, and I THOUGHT was being careful with my purse. Until...we had stopped to watch the traditional dancing, and I looked down only to notice my Spanish books and notebook were popping right out of my purse! My first naive thought was...oh gosh, my bag just split open! Crazy. Until I examined it a little more closely and noticed the rather large, perfectly straight slit that was clearly cut with a rather impressive knife. WHAT?!?! I mean...we've definitely heard of this method, apparently it happens somewhat frequently and the woman just continues to walk along as everything is pouring out of her purse. Luckily they were not able to get my camera from the little pocket I had it in on the OTHER side of my purse...and they weren't interested in learning Spanish. Phew! That could've turned out quite differently. We all shared a moment of...'oh my gosh!' I learned the verb for 'to sew,' and now just have to learn...to sew:) I'm sure I'll be able to figure it out...my mom taught me at some point. AND it's one of those things I've been meaning to learn anyways...it's kind of a necessity in life at some point, huh? Anyways...so, that kind of stuff is always on our mind, we are always on guard and expecting EVERYONE is that guy who would cut open your purse to steal whatever it is you have. It's real...and I know that...just annoying.
Solo diciendo.
I got an email today from a friend back home, and the last line of it was this..
'Enjoy yourself. Be safe but not timid. Languish in the experience of it all.' You nailed it, Travis. Well said. :) Thanks for that!
Well, those are all of my thoughts for now! Thanks for letting me process some here:) Will post more soon about where we are and what it's like here! I think this is my favorite city so far. It's quirky yet authentic...more to come:)